Monday, April 20, 2009
Empty Nest Joy
DO NOT READ (ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A CHILD OF MY MINE OR MY MOTHER) IF YOUR ARE A PRUDE.
My husband and I had a grown-up weekend that involved nudity and getting to know each other in the most intimate of ways. We are empty nesters now and this is what we dreamed of for 25 years. We locked the dog outside, turned up the radio, and brought out pleasure enhancement accruements. I like this new period in our life, it is like we are dating, yet know each other very well. We also can use things to enhance our pleasure that are not prohibited but not a good idea to have when you have minors in the house. A mothers biggest fear is to hear “What is the big pink thing under your bed?”
When the kids were younger, a long Disney movie meant some snuggle time, that was usually interrupted by an errant child looking for a spoon. When we locked the door, we told them we were reading. Then my daughter told her teacher that she didn't get her homework done, because her parents were "reading in their room" all weekend. It inspired us to tell her we were making love. She would never share that with the teacher. Instead she said her homework wasn’t done because her parents were too playful and loud when naked.
When my son jumped off the couch and broke his arm, I had double trouble, because I had just decided to tie up my husband using new knots and old scarves. I had to get the kitchen scissors out so we could go to the hospital.
One time the kids weren’t home and we tried making it on the hammock. It was attached under the eves of the house. While we frolicked and giggled, the swing gave way and we fell to the hard concrete. The eves came crashing after us, crushing and breaking two of my fingers. As I bled enroute to the hospital, I begged him to come up with a better story than the truth.
We had to sneak to have sex all over the place and their wasn’t a safe phone booth or closet in our hometown. We even made love in a public swimming pool (do not tell me about the germs involved, I was horny). My husband practices spontaneous chivalry, which meant if we were consummating our relationship outside, I was the one with pine needles in my back or sand in places I couldn’t reach.
Now we are older, our bodies have grown, but our passion has not faltered. We have time to enjoy each other and experiment. Well, I like too…… husband is not fond of buzzing, pinching, or whirling things. As the dog howled at the back door, the neighbors turned up their stereos and we had a loud and libelous weekend! Empty Nest is better than it sounds.